Marriages of convenience: The LGTBIQ+ community’s strategy in India to evade social pressure
In India, a phenomenon known as “lavender marriages” has gained momentum as an escape route for young people in the LGBTQ+ community. Faced with strong family pressure and social rejection, individuals like Asha, a medical student from the south of the country, have turned to social media to arrange unions of convenience that allow them to safeguard their sexual orientation while meeting their parents’ expectations.
The dynamic consists of finding a compatible partner —in terms of caste, religion, and educational level— who also belongs to the community and is willing to fake a relationship in front of society. In this way, both can maintain their private lives and, at the same time, avoid constant family harassment in a country where, although homosexual relationships were decriminalized in 2018, same-sex marriage is still not legally recognized.
Social media as a refuge and platform
Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, Telegram, and Reddit have become the new bulletin boards for those seeking these types of arrangements. Unlike the practices of the past, where many gay men would enter into marriage with women without revealing their orientation, the digital age allows for coordination based on mutual consent and transparency between those involved.
I support same-sex marriage, but it is currently not a reality in India. Queer people do not feel safe coming out and end up giving in to pressure. It is better for two people to unite under a mutual agreement, knowing each other’s reality, rather than living under deception.
Thanima, creator of an anonymous ad platform for the community.
Emotional challenges and risks
Although these pacts offer temporary relief, experts from the Naz Foundation warn about the psychological consequences of leading a double life. Anxiety, emotional distress, and identity crises are latent risks in an environment marked by hostility toward sexual diversity. A recent study by BMC Public Health revealed that a large portion of gay and bisexual men in Indian cities have been victims of violence, which explains why many prefer to maintain absolute anonymity in their networks.
Projects like Thanima, which manages hundreds of advertisements, face constant threats and hate speech, which highlights how complex it is for the LGBTQ+ community to navigate a society that, in many cases, values social prestige more than the well-being of its own children.
For protagonists like Asha, this plan represents the only way to buy her freedom. Meanwhile, she continues to maintain virtual contact with her future husband, planning a wedding that, far from being a celebration of romantic love, is a survival contract designed to protect her right to live with authenticity in private.
